From across the widest street

I don't really feel like dwelling on what happened tonight, but I want to write down a couple of things.

First, the commitment I made tonight to be honest with myself about everything I possibly can. I cannot forget this. It is very important, especially if it ends up being that one something positive that comes out of an unfortunate event.

Second, I think it's fair to say that I have paid my dues, and that I don't deserve to suffer any more for what I did. I've come to terms with it, I've punished myself for it, and I know that I will never be entirely free of it. That's OK. But in keeping with the issue of honesty, I must allow myself to realize that I honestly deserve to move on. I don't have the responsibility to punish myself anymore.

Third, I believe in ghosts.

The sleeping pills are kicking in now. I hope I don't dream about her. But if I do, it'll be a dream about her ghost — a ghost I love, the ghost of a person who I no longer care about.